You know, what hurts the most? That I still love you.

Although you never had.  I'm not even sure if you cared. Yes, you helped me when I needed you, but you never actually asked, how I feel or how can you help me or do I need sth. You helped just because you know I like you and because I asked you for help.

You even didn't try to prevent me from committing a suicide when I wanted to. You just doubted if I can. But what if I did? You were the last person I talked to...

The only one I wanted to talk for the last time. Although, you wouldn't know it.

So, as I've experienced, unanswered love is the worst thing ever.

You love somebody. You can't do anything without thinking about them. Do you know I declined to about 4 guys just because I still want to be with you? No, you don't. You never paid attention on what I said. Attention... Sick and tired of needing your attention, I choose to be lonely... Then live without your attention... If I only could. I love you too much to let you go. To be with someone else. To love someone else.

Why you just can't say you don't love me? Why are you keeping me in ignorance? You know, thinking you have a chance when you really don't sucks. But of course you don't care. Because you don't have to. I'm nobody for you. I'm not your family member, friend or .. just anybody. For you, I'm nothing. Just somebody who loves you. And it really doesn't count. At least for you.

Regardless, if you said, you don't love me, need me or whatever else you can say, I would leave. Because then I knew it for sure, I'm not your 'the right one'. It would make a lot of sense, you know. But for now, I still live ignorance...

But you know what? Although everything, I live. I can live. I will live. Because .. every time I want to leave, I just remember sth, that we experienced together. 'Cause we still have lots of happy memories. Even about only us. Nobody else. They keep me alive.

As everybody says, I have to move on. Well, I'm trying. Slowly, but trying. I'm sure someday, 'us' ('we' never existed, though) will be the past. Even for me. And there will be somebody who cares. About me. About what I feel. Want. Someday, I will be somebody's world. Someone, who he can't live without. Like I can't live without you. However, you won't exist for me anymore then.

Though, now, this is my biggest fear. That one day, you accidentally love me, but I won't anymore. I'm afraid of hurting you. I don't want to hurt anyone. Never. Oh, and not say this fucking "Never say never". Once, it  ruined everything. You remember, when. So, I don't want to be depressed by a single word. Not that you know, what means 'depressed'. You've never been depressed, as you said -.-

Well, I see, I had to write again. About my feelings. You & me. Hope you won't be against it. Although... I don't care. You don't, why should I? Maybe, someday, you even go to the book shop and notice there a book, called "My love story", signed by me. And then you will be really surprised that I could do it. To write the whole truth about 'us'. 'Us', who never existed...