I hate you, but I love you

Yeah, right, I know how stupid it is. I mean, he never wanted it to happen and said "no", and for a couple of months I was totally okay with that. But now, as I need someone to support me, to listen to me, I need him.

It's not like I only run to him when I need(ed) a shoulder to cry on, no, I always help(ed) him when he need(ed/s) that. Just that he didn't/doesn't want it as much as I want(ed) to help him. Funny, isn't it?

And now .. oh yeah, I actually know exactly why I want him as a friend. He was the only one I could tell everything, and he wouldn't judge me or anything. Tease a bit, yes, but never actually hurt with his words (except when we argued, but that happened only for a couple of times during 3 years). He would listen and help.

And now, my bff needs words of support, and I really would like to ask for an advice, but I can't do it, because "we" are over, nothing is like it was before. It's like .. we doesn't understand each other anymore, there's too big distance between us.

No one can understand what it feels like. And the problem is, I can't tell anyone, because there is not a single person out there I could tell that. He was the one. Whatever I told him, he always knew what to say. No difference how hard the situation was, he could always help me out. And that we even didn't date or anything.

I wish I could meet someone who I could trust completely. However, I know that's a lie. I want him to be that person. I don't want to be my bf, just that good friend will be enough. Someone who I can trust everything I have inside to, and who can trust me he has inside to. It's not asked that much, but still impossible to accomplish, isn't it?

So, here I am. I hate him, because he left me when I needed him the most, but love him (as a friend, alright) on the other hand, because before he was always there for me.

*

(I hate you... but I love you)

I hate you, but I love you
I can't stand the way you looked at me lately
Come back, even though we're not the same
And it feels like going nowhere, but I know where you are
It feels like going nowhere, but I have to move on
I have to move on
[x2]

(I hate you... but I love you) [x3]

I hate you, but I love you
I can't stand the way you looked at me lately
Come back, even though we're not the same
And it feels like going nowhere, but I know where you are
It feels like going nowhere, but I have to move on
I have to move on
[x2]